The Expat Life: What Do You Want To Say No To?

Posted on 03. Feb, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Musings & Inspiration, Tools & Resources
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“Saying No To” is an exercise that I sometimes use with my most goal-oriented clients. The idea is very simple: if you want to keep your New Year’s resolutions, you will have to make time in your schedule and space in your life for them.

Making time in their schedule is something that clients relate to easily: it is practical, concrete, plus most people think they are already too busy, so they can see why they would need to reorganise their daily routine to make room for new habits.

Now making space in their life… that is a bit harder to grasp. An eyebrow or two may be raised (I cannot see them when coaching by phone but believe me, I can hear them!). Fleeting thoughts of “what kind of new agey tree-hugging nonsense is that?” may arise – and yet, without making space in your life for new behaviours and habits, good luck moving forward!

If the wording bothers you, by all means find another one that works better for you. What about “Since you are saying Yes to (a more positive attitude / learning the local language / finally unpacking the last boxes from last summer’s move), what are you saying No to?” Go beyond the obvious. Go deeper.

Saying Yes to finishing your unpacking does not just mean saying No to boxes gathering dust in storage (duh!) It also, more importantly, means saying No to resisting change, No to pretending that you will be out of here soon anyway, No to putting your life on hold until your external circumstances change.

Wow. All of a sudden, unpacking these dusty boxes becomes a bit more meaningful than just getting a boring chore done, don’t you think? Can you see how much space these themes – resisting, pretending, putting on hold – take up in your life? Can you envision how much better off you will be once you reclaim that space by saying No?

Another way to put it, as Jennifer Louden does in her exquisite book “The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Meaningful Year” is to ask yourself: “What am I ready to let go of?” I do this every Sunday night, to set the tone for the week. Sometimes I am ready to let go of a fear, sometimes I am ready to let go of a “I Should do this or that”, sometimes I can see I need to let go of a relationship that is holding me back.

Or, as Jonathan Mead recently wrote on his Illuminated Mind blog, create a To-Stop list to counterbalance all your To-Do lists. Remove, declutter and lighten up a little, instead of always adding, adding and adding some more. I love that idea!

I know you expect me to close this post by asking you what I call the Blogger’s Rhetorical Question: What about you? Let us know in the comment section! Talk to us, dammit! Therefore, I will not do any of this (because I am contrary like that). Instead, try sitting with the idea of Saying No for a few moments and see what comes up for you.

Emmanuelle