The Expat Life: Those Emotions You Are Feeling? They Are Normal.

Posted on 28. Feb, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Musings & Inspiration, Tools & Resources
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I spend a lot of time reading, thinking and writing about expatriation. I also talk to a lot of expats, be it through my expat support services, through my friendships, and sometimes while waiting in line at the bakery.

If there are two things that my immersion into expat life taught me, it is that:
1. Nine times out of ten, emotions and feelings are what makes life abroad challenging. Loneliness, homesickness, feeling incompetent. It is hard, it is painful and it cannot really be avoided.
2. And yet, the experts – published authors, academics, relocation specialists – handle the subject of emotions rather inadequately.

To tell you the truth, it looks like relocation experts are afraid of emotions.

At one end of the spectrum, many authors simply choose to ignore the emotional aspect. Oh, they will give you plenty of fiscal advice and packing tips, but when it comes to that funk you have been in for a few weeks? Their advice is simple: Get. Over. It. As an alternative, wait until it goes away. Then resume your normal life – you know, the one without messy feelings and strong emotions. Not very helpful.

At the other end of the spectrum, some experts almost make it sound like culture shock is a mental health issue. They are likely to point you to a therapist or a counsellor to “cure” your homesickness or your feelings of overwhelm. How disempowering. *

*This is not to say that therapy does not have its place. If you are not coping at all and it is affecting your health, you should seek professional help. What I am talking about here are the offhand “Oh, if you’re feeling blue, go get a prescription from a doctor” comments that close the door to better-tailored, gentler helpful techniques.

You know from personal experience, though, that the “expat blues” is not a trivial matter. You also know that you are not ill, just temporarily disoriented and trying to figure out how to adjust to your new life. Most of all, you know that forcing yourself to get over it or turning the whole thing into a medical issue is not the answer.

So what can you do?

First of all, I want to make it clear that no, you do not have to “get over it” and that no, there is nothing wrong with you. The expat blues affects most, if not all of us at some point. It is perfectly normal and unfortunately, fairly unavoidable. You just need the right tools and techniques to deal with it.

Second, if you are frustrated or worried because you are not adjusting as fast as you expected, I would recommend picking up one of Robin Pascoe’s books. Of the many expat writers I follow, Robin consistently does the best job of describing the emotional ups-and-downs we all face. While her books are aimed at accompanying wives, I think any first-time expat could benefit from reading them, just to know what to expect down the road.

Third, I am working on some kind of programme to bring you the most helpful techniques I use with my individual clients. A central theme will be expat happiness and how to handle the emotions that are holding you back.
I have not decided yet on the format of this programme – it could be as simple as a series of posts or a teleclass, or as ambitious as a full-length book. If you have a preference, let me know in the comments. And do not forget to subscribe to the RSS feed so you can stay tuned for more details!

Emmanuelle