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FrenchThe Expat Life: Is “Dreaming Big” The Only Option?
Posted on 31. Mar, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog
3 comments
Do you feel pressured to dream big, live big, accomplish big things?
Last week, I spoke to a client who was feeling sort of guilty for not accomplishing anything “big”.
By anyone’s standards, including hers, she is a fairly successful woman: she has had an interesting career so far, her family life is very harmonious and she recently relocated to Southeast Asia. Yet she is beating herself up for… what exactly?
What is the assumption here? That life is only worth living if it is, well, larger-than-life? Do your accomplishments have to be of heroic or awe-inspiring proportions before you let yourself savour them?
Don’t get me wrong: I completely understand feeling restless. I understand feeling unfulfilled even though you have all the outward trappings of a “successful” life.
The distinction I am making here is that lack of fulfillment is often a case of a passion or yearning that has not been identified, tapped and channeled yet. Sometimes it does not have anything to do with “dreaming big”.
Which is why life coaches who systematically urge people to “Dream big! No, bigger than that!” make me cringe.
What if you don’t want to dream big, not because you are scared, but because big is not what you want or need?
Western culture, and North American culture in particular, places a lot of emphasis on accomplishing big things. I think it is just another “Should” (as in, “You Should dream big!!!”) and as you know I am not a fan of “Shoulds”. We already have more than enough crazy societal expectations to live up to, thank you very much.
I stumbled upon this wonderful post on the same subject, over at Tao of Prosperity- it is well worth a read: You Don’t Have To Be Epic.
Emmanuelle
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About Emmanuelle Archer
Hi, I am Emmanuelle.
A French expat currently living in Vancouver, BC, I am the president of Winning Away Ltd., an expat support and coaching company.
I started this blog in 2008 to help expatriates make the most of their life abroad.
The expat tips and resources you will find here can be used anywhere in the world.
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Hi Emmanuele,
Great post! I absolutely believe that the shoulds are what take us off course and create lots of stress and suffering in life.
I only like to hear the word ’should’ in that when I hear it, I know that we’ve got a door to more freedom – challenge the thought and let it fall away…
Being a born and bred American and one might say an overacheiver I get the pressure that the words “dream big” can create.
In the end I think one can dream big, dream small, dream long, dream hard…as long as the person feels clear, connected, joyful, peaceful and purposeful when they are doing it, then the lingo doesn’t matter much.
But what is great is you bringing attention to this so we can check in with ourselves and truly see if what we are dreaming is energizing or draining us…
Many thanks for your thoughtful and useful posts!
Megan
Comment by Megan Fitzgerald — April 10, 2009 @ 11:00 pm
Hi Megan,
Thank you for your insightful comments! I love the tip you give us here: asking ourselves if our dreams are energizing or draining us – what a simple and powerful way to check if we are aligned with our values, our purpose and our goals.
Every time I remember to perform that check and my gut says “yes”, I feel uplifted, focused and ready to move forward.
You chose the perfect words to describe this feeling: clear, connected, joyful, peaceful and purposeful… great way to describe when happens when our dreams fit us “just right” – not too big and not too small.
Comment by Emmanuelle Archer — April 11, 2009 @ 3:00 am
Heya,
Thanks for the link!
I have had the same experience with some coaches and people in the personal growth field…always with the big, big, big. I think for some people that is liberating, and with others (like me), it’s just a lot of pressure that I don’t really need. I like the idea of “Dream of happiness” rather than “Dream big”. Many forms of “big” would not make me happy at all! I do want to have an impact on the world…but I want to focus on that being a fulfilling and meaningful impact, not just a “big” one.
Emma
Comment by Emma McCreary — July 8, 2009 @ 12:52 pm