International Relocation: Moving On, Trust And Commitment

Posted on 19. Jun, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Musings & Inspiration, Relocation, Tools & Resources
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As you took the time to say goodbye to your current home, you acknowledged the place that you are about to leave behind. You took stock of what was important about living there, and why it was meaningful to you.

Now it is time to gently let go of it, look to the future and move on.

Letting go is an act of trust

For me, letting go is all about trust. It means being aware of what I am leaving behind, and trusting that something else will take its place.

Don’t see your move as a loss, or as an impoverishment of your social life – for every thing that you are giving up by moving, there is something else to be gained in your new country.

Moving on is about mindfully letting go

Moving on is a commitment. It is a conscious decision not to cling to the past any longer.
Here is a very simple, 3-step exercise that has helped many of my clients commit to moving on:

1. State what you are saying NO to
For example:
“I am saying NO to living in the past”
“I am saying NO to bitterness and resentment”
“I am saying NO to negative people who sap my energy”

Be very clear and direct about what you do not want in your new life abroad. If you are already living overseas, you probably have a clear idea of what does and doesn’t work for you as an expat – so say it out loud!

2. State what you are saying YES to
For example:
“I am saying YES to my new country”
“I am saying YES to my partner’s career”
“I am saying YES to learning the language”

The idea is not to make a to-do list, or a series of good resolutions.
The idea is to give yourself anchors. Personal mantras. Deep commitments that will buoy you when the waters get a little choppy in your new country.

3. Have a little commitment ceremony
Make sure not to skip this step! These are important commitments you are making, and the ceremony is there to give them extra weight. So take the two minutes or however long your ceremony takes, and send a clear signal to your brain that you are serious about moving on.
Need some inspiration? Here are some ideas my clients have come up with:
- The Leap of Faith: Stand on a chair while stating your Noes and Yeses, then jump from the chair to the ground
- Crossing the line: Visualise or trace a line on the ground. Standing on one side of the line, state your Noes. Then cross the line and state your Yeses
- Accountability Partner: Doing this exercise with a friend, a mentor or other family members will give even more weight to your commitment

As for me, I have been known to make really disgusted faces while stating my Noes (picture Snoopy’s infamous “Bleah!” and you’ll have a good approximation), and do a little dance while stating my Yeses. Goofy, I know, but hey, that’s what works for me!

If you’re willing to share in the comments what you are saying No and Yes to, I am sure that many expats would appreciate it. You don’t need to disclose anything too personal of course, but you know, just a bit of inspiration for others who need to move on.

Emmanuelle

Image by Denis Collette…!!!, via Flickr Creative Commons