Going Back Home: Why You’re In For A Rough Time

Posted on 22. Jun, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Relocation
4 comments

So you’re going home. Maybe your international assignment is over. Maybe your family needs you back home. Maybe you simply did not love the expat life as much as you thought you would, and you would rather be home.

Whatever the reason, I wish you the best of luck – and I need to warn you: it’s going to be hard.

As in, mind-bogglingly hard.

“Wait”, you say, “how could it be that hard? I’m going home. You know, that place I know inside and out? That place where I belong? It can’t be that tough, right?”

Well, I have bad news. Not only is it going to be hard, it’s probably going to be even harder than going abroad in the first place.

Yes, harder than landing in some strange place where you didn’t know a soul, didn’t speak the language and didn’t understand the customs.

How could that be?

Time stands still for no one

Have you ever heard that saying, “You can never go home again”? OK, it’s a major cliché, yet there is quite a bit of truth to it.

People have moved on with their lives while you were gone.
Your brother got married and is now a father of two – no more guys’ night out for the two of you. Your friends’ priorities have changed – they’re all about paying down their mortgage and keeping their secure job – and you realise that you do not have all that much in common anymore. Your parents may be getting elderly and not be as energetic or open-minded as you remembered them to be.

Your country has changed too. Sometimes the changes are subtle, sometimes they are more dramatic.

If I were to go back to France now after 8 years out of the country, I wouldn’t be familiar with prices in Euros (the currency was still the French franc when I left). I wouldn’t really be able to discuss politics in any depth – I wouldn’t even recognise half of the government ministers if I saw them in the street. I wouldn’t get the most recent pop-culture references in everyday conversations, and my slang would sound hopelessly dated.

In other words, I’d be pretty much lost, in a country that wouldn’t feel like the place I left behind in 2001.

But these outward changes are just the tip of the iceberg.

A brand new identity

There is no question that expatriation will have changed you. I have never met anyone who did not change internally as a result of living abroad. All that learning, all that figuring out, all that adjusting and stretching your limits has turned you into a different person.

Going home forces you to take stock of that change, and acknowledge it as permanent.

For the most part, you may find that living abroad has changed you for the better. You may realise that you have become more adaptable, more resourceful or more open-minded – all great attributes!

The only problem is that the people around you have not gone through the same life-changing experience. Expect to be frustrated or disappointed when you realise that your near and dear ones have a somewhat narrower worldview or aren’t that interested in travelling the world.

Or hearing about your own travels, for that matter.

Going home can also mean a significant change in status

Maybe you had lots of autonomy in your job overseas, not to mention a good expat package. Now, because your company is useless when it comes to accommodating returning expats (most corporations are), you’re not exactly on the fast track anymore and you’re stuck in a boring job with a much smaller paycheque.

Your social life is bound to change as well. If you were socially active, well-connected and valued as a trusted friend in your expat circle, it can be hard to transition back to being just another face in the crowd at home.

Someone was recently telling me how the close-knit expat community was what she missed most from Saudi Arabia, now that she was back in a more “anonymous” Western culture.

Losing your identity as an expat

This just in from the Department of Pointing Out the Obvious: by going home, you lose your status as an expat.

You will have to readjust to being the norm and not the exception. While it will be a relief to some, you may well find that you miss that important piece of your new identity that says “I am an expat”.

Your accent, your physical appearance or your name will not be there anymore to signal, “I’m not from here. I’m still getting used to this. Please be patient with me.”

People around you won’t be able to tell what you’re going through, or that there is something different about the way you see your environment. Only you will know.

Great – so I am basically doomed to be unhappy, is that what you’re saying?

No, no, thankfully not!

You do need to be aware that the road to repatriation is a bumpy one. But the great news is that as an expat, you already have all the skills you need to successfully navigate this transition. It is mainly a matter of putting them to good use.

In the next post, I will give you 3 strategies to cope with the issues you may face after returning home. (Psst: you know that the best way to get all the updates and new posts automatically is to subscribe to the RSS feed, right? All you have to do is click the orange icon at the top of this page!)

In the meantime, if there is anything you would like to share – questions, personal stories, helpful tips – please leave a comment and I will get back to you within 24 hours.

Emmanuelle

Image by maddercarmine, via Flickr Creative Commons