Feeling At Home: Friends And Acquaintances

Posted on 24. Aug, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Relocation
1 comment

Have you begun making friends in your host country? How are your new friendships coming along?

Friendships are such a personal thing, the only rule about them… is that there are no rules.

Expats or locals?

Some well-meaning advisors will tell you to befriend only locals, so that you get to experience the “real” country. Others will tell you to seek comfort in familiarity (read: fellow expats), especially in more challenging locations.

I say, try to maintain a healthy mix of both.

There is absolutely no reason to avoid other foreigners – the whole “I never associate with expats” attitude always strikes me as reverse snobbishness. Having said that, limiting your social life to the expat community has its downsides and you will obviously miss out on a lot of insight into the local culture and traditions.

A dangerous myth

You wouldn’t believe the number of expats (wait – maybe you’re one of them!) who beat themselves up because they feel they should be getting along better with their fellow country people.

You know how it goes: the British contingent – or Chinese, or Australian – gets together, and you feel like the odd man out. What is wrong with you? These people share your language, your culture, your references… you should all get along like a house on fire, right?

Let me say it outright: that’s not a reasonable expectation. Would any of these people have become your best friend back home? No? Well, it isn’t any different now that you are living in Kuala Lumpur.

I do agree that, as newcomers, we cannot always be picky. Sometimes we have to socialize with people we are not crazy about. But just like back home, there are acquaintances and then there are friends. So let’s not expect every expat we meet to be friend material. That’ll come with time, and a bit of luck.

Where do you meet new friends?

Your workplace may be the first and most natural place for you to look for new friends. If you are an accompanying partner who stays at home, you will meet other parents through your children’s activities. If you’re retired, you may meet people through your hobbies or volunteer work.

That’s a great starting point. I would recommend diversifying your friendships as soon as possible, though. You don’t want to be in a position to lose all your friends if your job is made redundant, or if your children have a serious falling-out with your friend’s kids.

Losing a friend or two may not seem like such a big deal, but remember that you don’t have your family and your long-standing friends nearby to support you. In an expatriate context, where people you know are regularly moving away on to their next assignments, it just make good sense to surround yourself with a diverse group of friends from all backgrounds.

And if you haven’t had much luck meeting new people so far, don’t fret! Here are some tips to help you fill that little black book – or email address book – of yours.

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Emmanuelle

Images by marclipovsky (top) and when i was a bird (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons