Expat Skill: Whose Values Are These Anyway?

Posted on 30. Dec, 2008 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Tools & Resources
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This is the fourth post in a series designed to help you get reacquainted with your core identity. For the first three posts on this subject, see Expat Skill: How Well Do You Know Yourself?, Identify Your Values and Define Yourself From The Inside Out

Before we discuss values any further, let’s do a quick test:

Take a few seconds to review the core values you have already listed. How do they make you feel?

- If positive feelings arise, such as passion, energy, deep serenity or joy, congratulations! You have successfully identified what fires you up and keeps you moving forward in life. You have a solid foundation on which to build a fulfilling life as an expat- more on this in the next post.

- On the other hand, if your values leave you emotionally flat, or sound like a lot of work or even fill you with dread, this is a great time to pause and ask yourself whose values these really are.

Be candid with yourself. Do the words on your list truly define your authentic self? Or is there a possibility you may have unconsciously espoused other people’s values- your parents’, your organisation’s or those the media have been feeding you?

You may be thinking “That’s silly. How could someone possibly confuse other people’s values with their own?” Trust me on that. I meet and coach many, many individuals who have lost sight of their own core values. In fact, someone I know well spent 30-odd years confusing someone else’s values with her own- myself!

For the longest time, I went through life believing that these were my core values:
- Hard work and dedication
- Reliability
- Punctuality
- Self-reliance
While these principles allowed me to achieve a certain measure of outward success- a prestigious degree, a good career and a steadily growing bank account- something was missing. My life seemed to be ruled by a lot of “shoulds”, “musts” and “have tos”. After I experienced burnout twice in 10 years, I decided it was time to reassess the fundamentals of my lifestyle, starting with my values.

Much to my surprise, I realised that these values were not mine at all- they were my father’s and they bore the hallmarks of his strict, dutiful, hard-working Lutheran upbringing. They were not quite working for me though, so I did some reshuffling and updating. Self-reliance, dedication and reliability are truly important to me and I kept them high on my list. I also added several values that reflect my take on life: warmth, contribution, clarity, joy, beauty and inspiration. There, that’s more like it!

If you are not 100% sure what your values are, or whether yours ring really true, here are two possibilities:

- Hire a personal coach. Yes, I am biased! All joking aside, any coach worth his or her salt is trained to listen for values in everything their client says. Because values are so central to motivation and identity, they are one of the first things we look for when working with someone. We are also quick to point out any discrepancies we perceive between values and goals, or values and lifestyle. So if you feel that you could use a reality check in this department, coaching might be just the thing you need.

- Come up with your Style Statement. Developed by two fellow Vancouverites, Carrie McCarthy and Danielle Laporte, Style Statement is a structured approach to finding your authentic self and expressing it in your everyday life. At the end of this process, you get a two-word statement that is the very essence of you.
Now the name might be a bit misleading- just because it says Style does not mean that it only applies to fashion or home décor! Your Statement can become your personal mantra for all aspects of your life. Some of them are quite magical, such as Enduring Bold, Comfortable Purity or Designed Ease. Mine is Sophisticated Inspired.
To find out more, you can go to the website, or get the book and create your Style Statement yourself, or book a phone consultation to have Carrie or Danielle walk you through the process.

Whew. This Values thing can be a lot of work, but I promise it is all worth it in the end! In the next post, we will explore how you can use your values as a powerful decision tool.
Until then, have a great day and, for those who are celebrating, enjoy getting ready for the New Year!

Emmanuelle

Related posts: How Well Do You Know Yourself?, Identify Your Values and Define Yourself From The Inside Out