One piece of advice that expats frequently hear is “Keep an open mind”. Great idea, but how exactly do you go about implementing it in your daily life?
The more I think about it, the more I find that it boils down to one simple mantra: Never assume.

- Never assume that local customs are impenetrable, incomprehensible and irrelevant to your life
Be curious. Ask questions. Find yourself some “cultural mentors” who can shed light on the habits and traditions that baffle you.
Suspend judgement and get involved in many different aspects of daily life in your host country. You will be rewarded with a much richer and more meaningful expat experience than if you stayed on the sideline.

- Never assume that you know what other family members really need
In an ideal world, we would all say just the right thing at the right time. We would know precisely when and how to cheer up homesick children, or give plenty of space to a stressed-out spouse.

Unfortunately, we cannot read minds and sometimes our efforts fall flat. What if your children actually needed alone time to work through their emotions and nostalgia? What if your spouse was in fact craving a chance to open up and discuss what is bothering him?

Once again, ask questions. Give your family the opportunity to express their needs. You could ask “What is the best way for me to help you through this?” or “What would make things easier for you?” Then let them do the talking. Your job is to listen very carefully, and to ask further questions if you need to clarify something.

The best questions you can ask are open-ended (i.e. they cannot be answered by yes or no). They give family members plenty of space to express themselves. I try and avoid starting questions with “Why”; these tend to trigger defensiveness rather than dialogue and cooperation. Questions starting with “What” or “How” are much more powerful and invite creativity.

- Never assume the worst
Some of us are quick to consider the worst-case scenario. That whole idea of asking instead of flat-out assuming can sound a little scary… what if people get offended? What if they think I am prying? What if they ridicule me?

Don’t fret.
By and large, people will enjoy your asking for their input. Do not be shy about it! Show that you are genuinely interested in local customs and your new friends will probably be delighted to share their knowledge with you.

At home, do not assume that open communication is impossible, even when things get a bit tense. Undivided attention is a wonderful gift to give your family. Focus on listening well and asking open-ended questions; your children and spouse will appreciate being heard and acknowledged.

What emotions come up for you when you think of letting go of your assumptions?
Is it relief, curiousity, excitement… or does it make you feel vulnerable, exposed and disoriented? What does your Inner Critic have to say about it?

Emmanuelle