Expat Interview: Aliye Kurt – From Turkey To The Netherlands via Canada

Posted on 20. Jan, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Interview
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Today I bring you the first in a series of expat interviews, beginning with my friend and fellow coach Aliye Kurt, who recently relocated to Amsterdam. The interview below is a short version- you can read the full interview here.
If you would like to see your own expat story featured on this blog, please leave a comment here, or send me an email at coaching[at]winningaway[dot]com.

1. Could you tell us about your background, where you have lived before coming to The Netherlands, and what your new life in Amsterdam is like?

I was born and raised in Turkey, and lived there until my mid-20s until I moved to Vancouver for graduate studies. I started working as a full-time faculty member at a psychology department after completing my doctoral degree at UBC. In the past year I have also been working as a professional coach. After maintaining a (very!) long – distance relationship for four years between Vancouver and first Berlin, then Frankfurt, I decided to move to Europe last summer.

I was really excited about moving to Amsterdam – which in my mind was the “perfect introduction to living in Europe” with its diversity, open-minded/tolerant attitude, nice European flair with its cafés, canals and amazing architecture, and of course with the convenience of using English in daily life, as well as in coaching and teaching. And so far, I was not disappointed – except for the two months of rain in summer (maybe to make the transition from Vancouver easier??). My life here is much more active in terms of attending to cultural events – the offer is very broad with museums, galleries, festivals, concerts, and talks.

Amsterdam has also been great for my coaching practice. Based on my background and life experiences, I work a lot with internationals and expatriates. Both its own international/expat community and, its closeness to other similar cities such as The Hague, Brussels, and Frankfurt make Amsterdam a strategic spot for my coaching and training business. I also run a coaching retreat program on sailboats in Turkey in summers, which has become more feasible by living in Europe. What can I say ~ so far so good!

2. What has life abroad taught you? What skills have you found most helpful?

I think the best learning for me was to realize how relative my (or my culture’s) “right way of doing things” was. That realization could bring about confusion, or even shake one’s identity a bit. But if you are open – minded, you will grow tremendously. Now I am much more aware of the cultural lens through which I experience the world, and question my perceptions of people and events more.

One of the skills that I have found to be vital, especially to optimize the benefits of being in a new environment without “losing it”, is to anchor yourself with social support. When I think back, each time I moved to a new city, the shift from anxiety, longing for the familiar, and dissatisfaction to a positive mindset/emotional state happened by meeting one or two people who anchored me with something familiar. In most cases that familiar thing was culture – I ended up meeting like-minded people from Turkey. And that happened even though I did not consciously seek out Turkish people, and never had an exclusively Turkish social network. That familiar element, which I believe restored my sense of security, then served as a springboard for me to start adapting to my new environment and enjoying my life abroad as I formed a broader, more diverse social network. For other people the anchor might be their work, a particular activity, nature, their favorite hobby, or whatever restores that sense of security – but as a social psychologist I suspect social support would be more effective since it does more than just being an anchor.

3. What did you find most challenging?

For me the most challenging part of living abroad is being away from family and close friends. Especially moving frequently means we don’t get to grow roots at any place, which has recently started bothering me. I try to deal with that by visiting my family more often and creating opportunities to do projects in Turkey.

And this time – as an accompanying partner – another challenge is my career. Luckily, I do not have a problem with a work permit, but a full-time teaching position similar to the one I had in Vancouver is very difficult to find in the Netherlands. My solution to that is teaching part-time for now, and focusing more on my coaching practice – which I hope to transform into a portable career that I can take with me no matter where I live!

4. What advice would you give to people who are considering living overseas, or to fellow expats?

My tip number one is manage your expectations! As I have described before, my expectations about living in Amsterdam were quite high, and I hadn’t taken the weather factor into account – my initial experience of my life here was dominated by a negative mood due to the disappointment around “the terrible weather in Amsterdam!” Set realistic expectations about how your new life might look like, but don’t underestimate the power of some optimism! Anything that would increase your intercultural awareness – from books to workshops – would also help to set realistic expectations. Of course number one requirement for this one is to know your priorities really well.

Related to the above, try to be open-minded/ don’t get stuck with the same perspective. After years of teaching psychology, I am still amazed how our mindset and perceptions can shape our experience. After two months of rain, I said to myself, “it is September…now, it is Okay if it rains” and I was not as bothered by the rain anymore…Of course magically, we had a golden autumn to reward my new attitude! Doing that is not always easy especially when you are stuck with a particular perspective – then please seriously consider working with a coach who will not only help you with different perspectives, but will also be tremendous social support. I benefited a lot from working with my coach – with her help I’ve realized how I was letting weather (something completely out of my control) to spoil my experience of this wonderful city!

There are many more, but lastly, make sure to do at least one thing that makes you feel confident about yourself. Next to social support self-esteem is an invaluable resource that helps people bounce back successfully from challenging situations.

And one not-to-do: Do not hang out with people who are consistently negative and who always complain how terrible life is in your host country!

Dr. Aliye Kurt – Suedhoff is a social psychologist and a professional coach. Having lived in Turkey, Vancouver, Berlin, Frankfurt and Amsterdam, she enjoys being part of diverse expatriate/ international communities.

She currently lives in Amsterdam, Netherlands, and works globally through her coaching & training company, Set Sail Coaching.