Expat Happiness Tip #5: Meet Your Emotional Needs

Posted on 20. May, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Tools & Resources
2 comments

“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” – Charles Kingsley

I like this quote a lot. Of course you do not want to be exposed to extremely uncomfortable living conditions, but ultimately the level of comfort you live in will not impact your long-term happiness all that much. I have met expats who lived in pretty rustic accommodations, some without running water or electricity, and who seemed very happy with their new life.
As a less extreme example, my very first apartment here in Vancouver was small, dark and rather shoddily built… and I could not have been happier during these first few months – I was living my dream and I definitely had enthusiasm to spare!

The million-dollar question, of course, is where do you find something to be enthusiastic about when expatriation has turned your life topsy-turvy and you are a little overwhelmed by all those changes?

Your life purpose statement, or your list of flow activities are good places to start.
In addition, you may want to check that your six basic emotional needs are being met.

Six Basic Needs

1. Certainty and Comfort
Although the expat life does have its fair share of uncertainty, you can take comfort in knowing certain things for sure. For instance, that your family loves you, or that you are resourceful enough to tackle whatever practical challenge comes your way.

You can list them if you want. What else do you know for sure? What other comforting thoughts come to mind?

2. Variety
Variety is the spice of life. If you have just moved to your host country, there should be no shortage of new sounds, smells, tastes, sights and sensations to explore!
If you have been living abroad for a while, what could you do to spice things up a little and discover something or somewhere new?

3. Significance
A pleasant life is nice enough, but deep down, we all want our life to have meaning and significance. Yes, here comes your life purpose again (told you it would be useful!)

What action can you take today to live according to your purpose in life?

4. Connection and Love
If you have moved far away from your family and/or if you are single, you might wonder what your opportunities are to receive or give love.
The good news is that caring for and being cared about does not have to be about romantic or familial love. You can experience rewarding connections and emotionally fulfilling ties simply by being an active part of a community.

Whether it is an expat community, a local community or a group based on common interests does not really matter. As long as you are genuinely engaged with a group, you are creating opportunities to nurture and be nurtured.

Have you joined any groups or clubs in your new location? Have you reached out recently to the people you love and told them how much they mean to you?

5. Growth
I have never met an expat who did not grow in one way or another while living abroad. Learning new ways, improving your skills, stretching your limits – these are all part and parcel of your expat experience.

If you want to grow even further, look for the edge – is there anything that you have always wanted to try but never dared to? Now is the time! What are some unique adventures or opportunities that your host country offers and that you could not find back home? Go for it!

6. Contribution
This goes hand in hand with the desire to live a meaningful life. How can we have a positive impact in our world? Many expats find opportunities to contribute through volunteering, but there are many other ways you can help others or give back to your local community,

No matter how new and green you feel you are, someone else is bound to be even newer and could use your help – how about reaching out to other newcomers and offer tips, advice, moral support or simply companionship?

What other ways can you find to contribute something of value to those around you? Here is a suggestion: what about trying to ensure that their own 6 basic needs are met?

Emmanuelle

Adorable cat picture: “Baby Cat – Infrared” by Peter Gorges, via Flickr Creative Commons