If you want to get ahead with your business, you can’t afford to let negative feelings affect your productivity and concentration. It’s all too easy to lose hours, if not entire days, to worry, guilt, and sometimes even sheer panic. So what do you do when your stress levels get out of control?

Here’s the method I use to nip negative emotions in the bud – give it a try next time you’re having a bad day.

Play out the worst-case scenario

Your first reaction may be to try to “get a grip”. As you probably know from experience, that doesn’t work. Putting a lid on your emotions will only leave you all tensed up and feeling even less productive than before.

Instead, try the exact opposite.

Whatever it is that you’re worried about, allow your mind to race for a few moments. Go ahead, play out the worst-case scenario in detail – not just a vague sense of dread, but the specific consequences you’re afraid of.

Done? Good. Now come back to the present moment, and take a cold, hard look at your fears. Are they warranted? How likely are they to come true?

How bad is it really?

In most cases, you’ll be relieved to see that you were merely overreacting. No, you’re not going to lose your business because there’s a typo in your newsletter. Just let it slide and get back to work.

In other cases, you may want to take corrective action, but that still doesn’t mean there’s cause for alarm. OK, you didn’t understand half of what your local supplier was saying when she phoned you today. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to end up a social pariah in your host country – but consider signing up for conversation classes to boost your oral comprehension skills.

Finally, some of your fears might be entirely justified. While you’re unlikely to literally end up living under a bridge if you miss your deadline, you could very well lose business and damage your reputation. What you need in a case like this is an effective contingency plan.

How can you limit the inconvenience to your client? What changes do you need to make to manage your time more efficiently? What concrete actions can you take to put your mind at ease, and soften the blow should your worst-case scenario come true?

Connect the dots

Now that you’ve put your mind at rest, take a few moments to compare your worst fears to the list of triggers you wrote down the other day. What theme do they have in common? Money? Being wrong? Other people’s approval?

Identifying your hot-button issue is worthwhile, because it’s much easier to stop panic dead in its tracks when you can name clearly – I’m tempted to say coldly – what’s causing it. Use this as a shortcut to snap yourself out of a funk, restore your serenity, and go back to focusing on your work.

Whew. Doesn’t that feel better already?

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Emmanuelle

Images by LunaDiRimmel (top) and Anna Gay (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons

Or what if you hate your current job and would rather gouge your eyes out than go for the same type of position, thank you very much?

Great points. As always. Please keep the questions coming; I love to hear what’s on your mind! Also, we’re in luck today, because generating ideas is one of my favourite activities in the world, and I do have some good resources for you.

Resources, from the predictable to the unexpected

- Work your way through “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was” by Barbara Sher (I reviewed it here). You can also try “What Color Is Your Parachute?” which takes a slightly more conventional approach. Personally, I prefer “I Could Do Anything”.

- Download “Focus” by Betsy Burroughs, and try some of the exercises she suggests. This is a book about creativity and idea generation, not job-hunting. Highly recommended if you feel completely stumped, or if you want a career change and need to think creatively about what to do next.

- Follow a lot of very different people on Twitter – no, you won’t be able to keep up with every update, but you’re bound to find interesting resources there. Or watch a bunch of TED talks on YouTube. When you stumble across people whose job or ideas you think are really great, Google them and find out how they got there.

- Use mind maps to organise your ideas. They’re much better suited to creative thinking than ordinary lists, because they’re not linear. You can break down, branch off or expand on any idea/keyword on your map, and then you can link them together to stimulate further brainstorming.

- Dig up forgotten dreams. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? As a teenager, what field did you want to study, before you opted for something “more reasonable”? Is the passion still there? If so, start making plans to rekindle the dream!

Still nothing?

- Coming up empty? Getting overwhelmed or discouraged? Walk away from it – go do something completely different, like gardening or yoga. Allow your brain to relax, and it will reward you with fresh ideas when you least expect them – keep a notebook handy so you can jot them down.

- Along the same lines, distract your brain from the issue at hand by giving it something else to puzzle over. Preferably something that uses different thinking modes. When I get writer’s block, I play online sudoku – the more difficult the better. Ideas usually start flowing again within 10-15 minutes.

- Get help from other people. Why not ask your friends to suggest careers that would be a good fit for you – things they can tell you’re talented at, or jobs you’d be happy in?

- If you’re brainstorming on your own, find an accountability partner, and commit to a minimum number of new ideas you’ll come up with weekly. 15 ideas? What about 30? And why not try for a hundred? The idea here is to stretch your brain – setting an outrageously high goal will, paradoxically, make it easier to pull out all the stops and get truly creative.

- Hire a coach for a couple of sessions to help you brainstorm, clarify your goals and narrow down your options. I offer a special 3-session package just for that – the first session is all about generating ideas and picking the best ones, then the other two sessions are for follow-up and implementation. Less expensive than ongoing coaching, and a worthwhile investment with immediate results!

Parting words of wisdom (or something close)

OK, I know I’m getting dangerously close to Tony Robbins, rah-rah you can do it territory here (as an aside, if I ever turn into one of these over-the-top “motivational coaches”, please feel free to beat me with a large stick. Or at least shoot me an email so that I can beat myself with a large stick.)

Alright. Where was I?

Oh yes – there is something that you absolutely must do, and that is trusting your own creativity. None of that “But I don’t knooow what I wanna dooo!” or “I’m not good at coming up with new ideas!”

Nonsense. Come on, we expats solve problems and come up with new ways of doing things all the darn time. Expats have been proven to be more creative than average. So stop self-censoring the ideas you already have.

Leave behind your fear of making the wrong choice. Pay closer attention to your true aspirations and desires, and you’ll be amazed at how many ideas you spontaneously generate – promise!

Was this post helpful? Do you need more personalized advice? Contact me to schedule a one-on-one consultation.

Emmanuelle

Images by sirwiseowl (top), khilwat (middle) and chiefmoamba (bottom), all via Flickr Creative Commons

We’re not talking about a cursory, general Google search here. You have to investigate the local job market as thoroughly as possible.

I know it sounds obvious. Yet many international job seekers do such a superficial job of it that they might as well not even bother…

Be specific

Checking whether there are job openings, say, in the IT sector in Vancouver is far too general.

If your dream is to work for a cool video game company downtown, and all the IT jobs are entry-level technical support positions way out in Burnaby… you’re out of luck.

There could be ten million jobs available in your field, and that still wouldn’t do you much good if they’re not the jobs you want, or if they’re in the wrong location.

So you have to be really specific. Gauging the demand for “finance specialists in Canada” definitely won’t do! Don’t snicker – I get emails almost every month asking me if companies are hiring for marketing positions in Western Canada…

Why so vague?

Why do people ask such vague questions? It’s not that they’re stupid, of course. And I bet you it’s not because they’re lazy or careless either.

The real reason is that no one likes having their dreams shattered.  We’re afraid of bad news, afraid of being discouraged. So we keep it vague enough that it doesn’t get too scary and real…

… which brings us to the other part of your due diligence. Put on your detective hat and get ready to conduct a thorough, 3-part investigation:

1. Write down the type of job(s) you are interested in. Be as specific as you can. Job titles can vary depending on the country or the employer, so for each position, list the salary range and responsibilities you’re aiming for.

2. Do a search on job banks such as Indeed.com, SimplyHired.com, CareerJet.com, Recruit.net, Monster.com or Experteer.com – or any other job search engine that has international job listings. Get a feel for how many positions would be a good match for you. Check whether the compensation package you have in mind seems realistic.

3. Turn to your local connections. Ask them about trends in your industry – what sectors are in decline, what sectors are booming, where have there been massive layoffs in the past year, etc. Ask several people and cross-reference different sources.

Unlike job listings that are more like a snapshot, your contacts can give you actual perspective on the local job market. Don’t forget to ask “politically incorrect” questions (How hard is it for foreigners to get hired? Are foreign degrees recognized at all?), because you won’t find the answers through the official channels.

If things don’t look too rosy in your field, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to shelve your dreams of working overseas. As long as you a.) are willing to be flexible, and b.) have a contingency plan in place, there’s no reason why you couldn’t give it a go.

We’ll explore a few of your options in the next post.

Was this post helpful? Do you need more personalized job search advice? Contact me to schedule a one-on-one consultation.

Emmanuelle

Images by sleepy terry (top) and the|G|™ (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons

That’s great advice. The problem is that 90% of the people who are out there networking are doing it all wrong.

5 tips to start off on the right foot

Tip #1: Forget about “networking”

Networking is kind of a loaded word. For me, it conjures up images of stiffly-dressed professionals, awkwardly trying to shove their business cards into your hand at some boring BNI meeting.

It reeks of predatory behaviour: “working the room”, “playing the numbers game”… it’s all about using people. Not a good thing in my book.

I suggest that you think of it as getting to know people instead. Because that’s really what it’s all about. As simple as that.

Tip #2: Start connecting with people NOW

The idea is to start connecting with people before you need anyone’s help. To borrow Harvey Mackey‘s brilliant metaphor, you have to dig your well before you’re thirsty.

If you only start approaching people when you’re in dire need of a job tout de suite, you will come across as desperate. Not good. Desperation is never sexy, whether you’re dating or looking for gainful employment.

So if you’ve been thinking “But I can’t start now, I’m not even sure what I want to do once I get there”, you’re actually in good shape! Invite your new contacts to brainstorm with you and give you input. Much easier – and more constructive – than asking them to help you finding a job, only to get the stock answer, “I’ll keep my eyes open and let you know”.

Tip #3: Cast your net wide

You want to make your new connections as diverse as possible. Don’t restrict yourself to your own field or your own profession. Get to know people from all walks of life, all ages and all backgrounds.

You never know who may have the information or the contacts you need. You never know who will come up with the genius suggestion or the fresh perspective (“Hey, did you know about this? Sounds right up your alley”) that will lead you straight to your dream occupation.

Besides, folks who work outside of your own field have no reason to feel threatened. You’re not directly competing with them, so they can give freely of their advice and support. By contrast, those in your field may be less forthcoming with help… just in case you end up going after their own job!

Tip #4: Where to find people

So where do you find all these new contacts? Social media platforms make it very easy to connect with strangers, but how do you avoid getting overwhelmed and frittering away entire days online?

I advise picking one or two such social media platforms (I like Twitter and LinkedIn) and maybe one message board relevant to your destination– and that’s it. You’ll get better results by focusing your efforts in a few places rather than spreading yourself too thin and not making an impact anywhere.

Once you’ve picked your online communities, what do you do next? Who do you contact, and how?

The “Who” part is relatively easy: do a search on members who live in your future host country. Then, try to identify people who can give you expert advice – relocation specialists, expat coaches, job search / outplacement experts, and even people who don’t live in the country but have a strong interest in it.

The “How” part isn’t too complicated either: if you’re on Twitter, following the updates of complete strangers is the norm – so do just that, then send them a few replies/comments, and get a conversation started. On LinkedIn, join common interest groups (based on geography, profession, or hobbies), and get to know fellow members within these groups. On message boards, you can post your questions for all to see, but you can also identify the moderators and most helpful members, and send them direct messages.

Tip #5: Cultivate your relationships

- Build trust: take the time to get to know people and earn your stripes as a reliable, helpful member of the community before you start asking for favours. If you promise something to someone (even if it’s just a link to a silly YouTube video), try to always follow up in a timely manner. Make it easy for others to trust you.

- Be consistent: you can’t Twitter up a storm for three days, then decide you’re bored and not update for two weeks. You have to be persistent and keep at it until you register on other users’ radar and they start engaging you in two-way conversations.

- Give before you ask: now that you’ve dug your well, it’s time to prime it. There’s no better way to do so than by helping others. You may not have expert advice to contribute (yet), but maybe you can share information about your own country, a recipe here, a translation there… be on the lookout for opportunities to help others, and everyone will be much more inclined to share their resources and leads with you.

- Don’t discount the people you already know: in this flurry of new contacts, it’s easy to forget that you already have connections. Have you asked every single one of your relatives, friends, old classmates, ex co-workers, and your dental hygienist if they knew anything about your target destination? I bet not. So go do that right now. If you have your heart set on moving to Kathmandu, ask everyone you meet about Nepal. People enjoy giving advice and feeling helpful, so if they have any connections, they’ll be happy to share them.

All right. That’s probably enough to keep you busy for a couple of days!

What?!?, you ask, you have us do all that “connecting with new people” stuff, and we haven’t even touched upon finding job openings and sending resumes and cover letters and oh my…

That’s right. We’ll get to that later. In the meantime, there is more important work to be done, so stay tuned for our next post on Friday (how’s that for a cliffhanger? )

Was this post helpful? Do you need more personalized job search advice? Contact me to schedule a one-on-one consultation.

Emmanuelle

Images by Patrick Havens (top), www.PCharlton.es (middle) and takuya miyamoto* (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons

If the emails and questions I have been getting recently are any indication, you may be among the many, many expats who are currently going through big transitions:

- A move to another country,

- A career change,

- Pondering what to do with yourself now that you’ve gone back home…

Well, don’t sign on the dotted line just yet – instead, go get yourself a copy of Barbara Sher’s excellent book, I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was (affiliate link).

This book has been in circulation for 15 years, and you’ve probably seen its bright yellow cover before. A common misconception is that it’s “for people who want to change jobs”. And in a way, it is, but it’s so much more than that.

Yes, it’s tremendously helpful for job seekers, but ultimately, it was written for anyone who’s ever been in a rut, or felt stuck, or despaired of ever finding the right career.

Officially, it’s about discovering what you really want. In reality, it’s a book about resistance and fears. And that’s what makes it so effective.

What I like about it

- Step-by-step, how-to approach to clarifying your life goals, addressing your fears, getting off your derrière, and making it happen

- Clear, conversational style that doesn’t take itself too seriously

- Absolutely no flakey self-help theories or pop-psychology lingo

- Applicable no matter what your age, background or employment status

What I would have liked to see

- More specific case studies, rather than vague “real-life stories” that sound more like anecdotes

Recommended?

Highly recommended!

Many of my coaching clients have been using Barbara Sher’s book to excellent results, from entrepreneurs to executives and students alike.

Work through the exercises and read the chapters that apply to your situation. I bet you’ll come away with new ideas, new perspectives, and quite possibly, new life goals.

Happy reading, and please keep me posted on any breakthroughs you achieve while doing the exercises!

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Emmanuelle

Whenever you feel stuck or in procrastination mode, replace the word “can’t” with “won’t”.

For example, “I can’t picture myself ever being happy here” becomes “I won’t picture myself ever being happy here”. “I can’t learn how to speak the local language fluently” becomes “I won’t learn how to speak the local language fluently”.

Well, why won’t you?

Why are you not putting in the effort? How truly committed are you to making it work? What is really holding you back?

With “can’t”, you can hide behind all sorts of excuses. With “won’t”, you have to get to the root of the problem and face your own resistance.

Besides, plenty of expats have learned how to speak the local language before, so it’s not like it’s impossible – therefore it’s not a real “can’t”.

This little trick with words is nothing new or complicated, but you’ll be amazed at how powerful it is. I find it much more effective than overused and overly simplistic self-help stuff like positive affirmations – maybe it’s just me, but positive affirmations feel super cheesy to me and they fail miserably at shifting the way I think about my own limitations.

Have fun hunting down all those “can’t” and replacing them with “won’t”! And if you would share how that worked for you, that would be really great!

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Emmanuelle

Images by ~Jetta Girl~ (top) and BIGben. (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons

So while I’m working on de-zombifying myself (ten days before Halloween, oh the irony!), why don’t you head over to Expat Calling to read my recently published article, Keeping in touch with the folks back home – a gripping tale of homesickness, mail steamers, and why you might have to drag your teenagers away from the computer, kicking and screaming.

Have a great day (or evening if you’re somewhere in the Americas), and see you on Friday when, hopefully, I’ll be able to sit in the upright position once again.

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Emmanuelle

Sure, my sewing skills don’t go beyond putting a button back on a coat (which is why I want a machine to learn on), but that’s not what puzzled my mother so much.

No, she was stunned because in her mind, I am not the kind of person who sews – whatever that means. I suspect that her mental image of someone who sews is a cross between an over-the-top domestic goddess a la Martha Stewart and an old maid who sits at home all day stitching tea cosies.

Erm. Right. I was thinking more funky recycled clothes and decorative stitching on mixed-media art myself…

But mostly, I wasn’t thinking in terms of labels. “Domestic”, “someone who sits at home all day”, “someone who does or doesn’t sew” – those are all labels, and like all labels, they are also limiting beliefs.

Labels = Limiting beliefs

Just think of all the labels you carry about yourself, and how they limit what you think you are capable of: foreigner… accompanying spouse… introvert… not good with languages… procrastinator… do you see how these beliefs about yourself impact your self-image?

Even “positive” labels can be limiting. If you see yourself as effective and hard working, will you be able to relax enough to enjoy a different pace of life in a less work-oriented culture? If you see yourself as very self-reliant, won’t you end up isolated because you didn’t make finding new friends a priority?

Want to thrive in your life abroad? Ditch the labels!

Here’s a tip: Every time you catch yourself thinking “Oh, but I’m not the kind of person who…” (talks to strangers / asks for help all the time / is comfortable going out on her own / insert self-limiting belief du jour here) – pause and ask yourself what you may be missing out on.

I am not advising you to blithely say yes to everything – you have every right to be uninterested, uncomfortable or simply not in the mood for certain activities. If your instinct says no, then don’t do it.

But if you realise that the only thing that’s preventing you from seizing an opportunity is your self-image (a.k.a. not being the kind of person who…), then please do yourself a favour: forget the labels, and go for it!

Every time you stretch beyond your limiting labels, you will strengthen and expand your self-image. You will develop a keener eye for the near-unlimited possibilities that surround you. You will get better at noticing opportunities and seizing them.

And on that note, I am off to research sewing machines – lack of skills and tea cosies be darned!

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Emmanuelle

Images by Laurie :: Liquid Paper (top) and *TreMichLan* (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons

WBSD update

If you are an expat blogger who’d like to take part in a fun online event, meet new bloggers, and get a bit of extra traffic in the process… then don’t delay – sign up for World Blog Surf Day!

You only have a week left – the deadline for signups is Oct. 24, and World Blog Surf Day itself is on Oct. 31.

The theme this time around is Holidays & Celebrations – a topic that I feel well prepared for, what with having spent all day today putting together my Halloween costume. (Yes, there will be pictures. No, I am not telling you what my costume is just yet – stay tuned!)

Shopping usually isn’t my cup of tea, but when it comes to outrageously silly costumes cultural integration and participation in the local celebrations, I do what I have to do. It’s all in the name of field research, you see

Did you say expat bloggers?

You may have noticed that I recently added a blogroll to the site. There, you will find the expat resources/general advice sites that I recommend, plus a handful of personal favourites that have little to do with life abroad, but are just too good to pass up.

While we’re on the subject, BootsnAll Travel just published a list of 15 of the best expat blogs out there. I regularly follow several of them, and if all 15 are the same high quality, we have some great writing and beautiful pictures to look forward to!

What are your must-read expat blogs, and what do you like best about them? I love discovering new-to-me blogs, so please share your favourites in the comments!

Subscribe via RSS or email to get new expat tips and resources, three times a week!

Emmanuelle

WBSD art by Beka (top) and picture by Kristina B (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons

Every now and then, I even take my own advice (you know what they say about the cobbler’s children!) and have a good, hard look at my plans for the future.

The results of the Grrreat Goal Review, Autumn 2009 edition?

A new look for the blog and the main site

In fact, the overhaul goes way beyond looks, but I am a little bit in love with the great design and sleek interface that the wonderful Men With Pens created for me. If you ever need help with your blog, ebook design or any kind of copywriting, I highly recommend the Men – they are super professional, reasonably priced, and funny to boot!

If you are reading the blog entries via RSS or email subscription, 1) thanks for subscribing, you rock! and 2) click here to have a look at the new design.

New services and products in the works

As of next month, I will be devoting less time to one-on-one sessions, in order to focus on creating a bunch of new stuff that I hope will make a difference in your life abroad.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE one-on-one sessions. I love talking to you individually, finding out what makes you tick, what is holding you back, and putting our heads together to find ways to make your expat life better. It’s fun, it’s powerful, and we’re getting great results.

But there’s no denying that these sessions are a significant investment in time, energy and money. I know lots of expats who need support, but cannot see themselves investing in ongoing individual coaching. So it is my hope that through small-group sessions, 1-hour targeted consultations, and ebooks/workbooks, they will be able to get the help they need.

Next steps?

All right, now that I have publicly announced all of this… I’d better get writing! (<– in pompous management jargon, this is what is called building accountability and commitment. In other words, I told you I’d do all this just to ensure that I stop procrastinating and actually do it. Because if I don’t, you guys will laugh me off the internet, or something. Note that I – craftily – avoided committing to a timeline or a launch date. That’s the kind of trick you’re not allowed to use when I am coaching you, but hey, this is my blog so I’ll cheat if I want to! I wonder how much longer this parenthetical aside can go on. This is getting silly. OK, I’ll end it here.)

And on that note, I’m off to start cooking for our Canadian Thanksgiving, which is this weekend. In true expat fashion, we’re going to a potluck where none of the guests are originally from Canada, and we’re all bringing a dish from our birth country.

Our East Indian hosts are making lamb masala, my significant other is bringing his favourite South African wine and boerewors sausages, and I am putting together a spread of Provencal-style appetizers: cold cuts, grilled vegetables, tapenade, pissaladière and ratatouille.

Have a great weekend!

Emmanuelle

Images by jazzmasterson (top) and alasam (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons.