A very rich interview, full of inspiring lessons for expats not only in Vancouver, but all over the world.

- Can you tell us what brought you to Canada, and how that move has shaped your career?

I wanted to learn more about my Canadian heritage, and although I understood the importance of this, I don’t think I fully realized the magnitude of it, or the impact it would have on the person I was becoming. Having been born and raised in Mexico City, I knew very little about vast open spaces and the profound changes they produce in people.

Canada is full of people unpacking their personal and cultural treasures. The land is silent, but welcomes dreamers. The space acts like a blank canvas, and being far away from everything that is familiar gives you a different perspective on who you are because there are no longer any givens. The context is completely different and that forces you to re-examine, re-evaluate and re-define your core. You sift through your cultural baggage in an effort to hold on to what makes you, you – and the rest is taken by the wind back to where it came from.

Canada has changed me. In good ways. This awe-inspiring landscape – holder of truths – beseeches us to question not only who we are, but also what we do and how we do it.
I started craving a more organic approach to design and remembered my first two years of university, where the use of the computer was strictly forbidden. Hands on – ink, paper, scissors. Me, and the world forgotten, in a room.

I started imagining graphic patterns. I took a letterpress course. I started drawing again. I bought a letterpress… Ink, paper, scissors. Handmade magic, gently held by the mountains that surround me, and deeply infused by the rich colors that inspired me to begin.

- Was there anything – good or bad – that surprised you about Vancouver when you moved here?

Moving to a different country is an incredible experience, but it certainly has its challenges. The first time I came to Vancouver I fell in love with the city and its radiant bustle. The vast array of cultures, languages and traditions immediately intrigued me.
I instantly knew it was the right place for me, so within a few months I moved.

Vancouver has no mold; anything goes and there is something here for everyone. But there’s a learning curve. I felt lonely, and I hadn’t expected it. I never imagined having this feeling while being surrounded by so many people. I felt homesick… I was terrified. If only I had brought my friends along for the ride… The city and its people felt cold to me and I wanted to hide inside a box with the lid shut tight.

Building solid relationships takes time, and I’ve found that you have to be very patient. Over time, I realized that there are few true Vancouverites, which means that most of the people living here had to go through that same transition, and it’s a scary thing to admit to, let alone talk about it with people you barely know, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable, but once you figure that out, it lightens the load. You have good days and bad days – and you carry on, letting the city in and letting yourself out.

- You’re currently launching your new business, Texture & Finery, a line of haute couture wedding invitations. What are the main challenges you are facing as an expat entrepreneur?

It’s a circus and you’re on the tightrope, trying to stay on your feet, while juggling 500 things and holding a baby that needs all your attention. It’s scary, so you try not to look down, and sometimes it feels like you might just lose your balance so you compensate by shifting your weight here and there.

Learning the balancing act can be extremely tricky at times. There’s a lot of push and pull back and forth. You’re an expat AND an entrepreneur: that’s two jobs, both equally demanding.

I think one of the most challenging things for me has been learning to listen to my own rhythm. Sometimes you just have to stop for the day, and sometimes you have to go go go and then go some more. I think it’s about integrating both the expat and the entrepreneur… one needs more attention than the other on any given day, and acting upon that is crucial.

The second challenge is fear. It’s the part of me that actually looks down when I’m on the tightrope, and it’s paralyzing. Nothing moves, time stops and the world goes so quiet you can hear a pin drop. Sometimes you just want to run back and hide in the box with the lid shut tight and cry. So you cry a little. Ok, so you cry a lot, but you keep on juggling, and balancing. And you make room for fear, because it’s real, and because you’ve also made room for excitement and optimism and they all just need some room to be. Just accepting that it’s there makes it easier to zoom out and look at the big picture. And when you do, it’s extraordinary.

- Any advice you’d like to give to fellow expat business owners?

Breathe. Breathe in and out. And give yourself some credit. Starting a business is not easy, and you have to fight fight fight for it. And it’s exhausting and beautiful and worth it. And we’re all going to be okay. And we learn so much from this. And we have to learn to breathe.

- What are the most important lessons life abroad has taught you?

Living abroad changes you forever. You become a mixture of old ways you choose to keep and new ways you learn. You become richer, deeper, stronger, better, wiser, weaker, calmer. Big adjustments take time, so it helps to be patient. Very patient, with yourself and others. Things are not better and they’re certainly not worse: everything is just different, and being able to understand that makes all the difference.

Originally from Mexico City, Christine Delano is a graphic designer living in Vancouver. She is currently launching her new business “Texture and Finery”, inspired by the haute-couture tradition and providing custom designed, hand-crafted letterpess wedding invitations and stationery.

Did you find this interview as inspiring as I did? Share your biggest takeaway in the comments. What advice would you give to expat entrepreneurs?

Emmanuelle

Images by JOHN CORVERA (top) and Anna Gay (bottom), both via Flickr Creative Commons

The following interview is the transcript of a conversation I recorded with Mélanie on November 18, 2009. She has plenty of tips and advice to share with fellow expats, especially those who are looking for a job.

What attracted you to become an expat?

First of all, I wanted to improve my English – I really love this language. It’s so different when you speak English when you are abroad compared to learning at school!

I just like travelling as well, and discovering new cultures – so yes, these are the three main reasons why I moved overseas.

You’ve been in Vancouver for five months now. How is it going?

Let’s say it’s getting better – slowly (laughs). I’ve had quite the hard beginning… right now, luckily, I’m working. It’s my fourth job… and I’m looking for another one, so it’ll be my fifth one – in five months!

I’d say that finding a job has been the main challenge. It’s challenging because it’s completely different from what I was used to – the European way to find a job, like the traditional way to send a CV and cover letter, I’m not entirely sure that’s really what works here. Apparently networking is definitely the best way to find a job.

But networking is more long term; it takes a while to get there.

The difference is, in France, when you’re looking for a job and you know someone who’s an executive or whatever, there’s a good chance that this person will find you a job even if they don’t really need someone at that point – at least that’s my point of view. Here, they will keep you in mind for when they need somebody, and check if you’re still looking for a job. But they’re not going to create a job just because they know you.

Other than finding a job, what (if anything) do you find challenging about living in Canada?

Not much, really. I was lucky enough to find a room not even one week after I arrived. It was easy to make friends as well. That’s the good thing about being an expat: you want to meet people but you don’t know anybody, so you have to go up to people and talk to them.

At first of course, I went to my own community, the French, and then it opened onto other nationalities. That’s the way it works, really: some expats in your community have lived here for a year or longer, so they can give you tips. Even if they arrived two weeks before you, they’re still ahead of you and they can give you very helpful tips.

I felt there was more fellowship between expats in Ireland, where I used to live, than here. I don’t know why. It may be because it’s harder here than in Ireland, but I’m wondering if expats here are not kind of selfish at the beginning – they want to settle down themselves first, and then they will help others. In Ireland, everybody was helping everybody else, right from the beginning.

Anything else that surprised you when you arrived here?

I think that Vancouver is pretty quiet… it’s a very good place if you want to raise a family. If you are still single and want to go out, it’s not very… funky. Maybe it is, maybe I just don’t know the right places, or I haven’t met the right people to go out with.

I can’t really say anything about the Canadians themselves, because I haven’t really talked to any Canadians. I don’t hang out with many Canadians yet.

Is that because you have so many expats friends, or because you find it hard to befriend Canadians?

Maybe both… maybe they [Canadians] have the feeling that if they become friends with expats, those people will just leave Canada after a while, and they are going to lose friends. But really nowadays, if you have a friend anywhere on earth, you can stay in touch – and it’s a good opportunity to go visit that person at some stage!

Time for some tips! What helps you cope with the challenges of expat life?

It wasn’t easy at first. I came here at a pretty bad time: it was the beginning of summer, there was obviously the recession, all the students had already taken all the summer jobs… and I didn’t have any Canadian experience.

I am an optimistic person to begin with, so that helped.

I kept in touch with my friends in Europe very, very often – by phone and via internet as well.

I talked with new people, I got tips and new ideas, new websites where I could look for a job.

It’s hard to motivate yourself every single day, to be honest. You have to take a break sometimes. When you have to look for a job, and you’re in front of your laptop, and it’s beautiful outside, at some stage you have to say “Well, even if there are new job postings, there’s only going to be a few – I can go to the beach for one hour.” And you just go relax… or try to relax (laughs) and then you come back and start over again.

I don’t know if I can give any tips – just… believe in yourself! Keep going, keep smiling. It’s not always easy, but don’t hesitate to talk with your friends and your family, if they understand you and if they support you and your choice.

Then if there are some signs that show you that maybe this is not the right place for you, you can make the choice to leave, and maybe come back later.

Just keep going. The more you look for a job, the more tips you learn and the more you learn about how to deal with life here and how to adapt to North American ways.

What are the most important lessons life overseas has taught you?

- Humility, because you start from zero again every single time: job, friends, getting to know the place… everything.

- Not to pay attention to material things, and care more about your friends and your family instead.

- I don’t make plans – at least not long-term. Maybe a few months ahead, but that’s it. That’s how my life is. I know for sure that I will be here until March, and after that I don’t know, it’s a surprise! Anything can happen. That’s the good thing – it’s so unpredictable!

- I realised yesterday that I haven’t panicked in a long time. I don’t know what panic is anymore. Whatever may happen, I think my reaction would be surprise at first, but then,  just breathe… think… act… and call 911! (laughs)

- When you go live abroad, you look very brave in the eyes of those who’ve never done it before. It’s very good for your self-esteem! Even guys – some of them have told me “Oh my god, I couldn’t do what you’ve done, leaving with just your suitcase and not knowing anyone over there.” It’s kind of normal for you, because you’ve done it before and you love travelling, so you’re not afraid to do it again!

Another frequent comment is “You’re so lucky that you get to live abroad!” Do you agree?

It’s good that you’re asking this question – I was talking about this with someone only yesterday. I actually hate people telling me that, because that is not luck, that is a choice. I have chosen to go through hard times for the last four months, and I just didn’t give up. But it was a choice – I chose to start everything from zero every two years, or every year and a half.

It’s not about luck at all. It’s about working hard, saving money and being driven enough to go.

Maybe it’s just me being prideful, but… I just don’t give up. I am stubborn about certain things. Although, I was about to give up last September… I really was about to book a flight out of here, and somebody called me regarding a job!

Any advice that you would like to give to fellow expats or future expats?

- Prepare before leaving. Mostly for the job market, but also regarding your visa: how long does it take to get it, how long can you stay?

- Explore everything Internet has to offer. There are so many good resources. There are things like meet-ups and associations, or you can volunteer, just to meet people, have a drink with them. I also found some people who live in Vancouver and have a blog, and I contacted them before moving here.

- Don’t be shy. Talk to people. They can give you tips, or they can help you stay motivated not to give up. They can tell you “have a look here”, or “I know somebody who might know somebody who might need an employee.”

- Save a big amount of money before you leave, because you don’t know what is going to happen.

- If you’re feeling down, call your friends, or go for a walk or a run. Do something to take your mind off your situation… everything will be alright.

- Everything works out in the end, that’s what I’ve learnt! And if it doesn’t, then it means you’re just not meant to be here and you have to make some other plans… but it’s going to be OK!

Thank you Mélanie for a great interview, which I am sure will be very helpful to other expats!

Please don’t hesitate to leave your comments or questions for Mélanie in the comment form below.

Emmanuelle

Images by imedagoze (top), Duane Storey (middle) and The Rocketeer (bottom), all via Flickr Creative Commons

THE INTERVIEW RULES
* leave me a comment saying: “interview me”
* all comments will be published
* I will e-mail you five questions of my choice
* you can then answer the questions on your blog {with a link back to my blog}
* you should also post these rules, along with an offer to interview anyone else who e-mails you wanting to be interviewed
* anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog
* it would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger

And without further ado, 5 Q’s from White Hot Truth for Emmanuelle:

1. What is your form of genius?

Reframing: I am really good at helping people see a different perspective or unexpected opportunity. I love opening up new possibilities.

I am also very adept at researching, sorting through and interpreting large amounts of information, be it practical or conceptual.

2. What do you want more of?

Humour;

Inspiration;

Focus;

Raw-milk cheeses.

Now that I think of it, more shoulder rubs would be nice too.

3. In your opinion, what was David Bowie’s best phase?

Wait, you mean David Bowie has gone through several phases? No one ever tells me anything…

[What’s with the Bowie references all over the place lately, by the way? Is the Flight of the Conchords song single-handedly causing a revival?]

Back to the original question: Music-wise, he definitely was on top of his game in the early seventies, so I would have to pick the Ziggy Stardust phase.
Mind you, as a composer/performer/actor/chameleon, he was amazingly prolific in the eighties too, culminating in the feathered-haired and glittery gloriousness that is Labyrinth… so I guess it is a tie between Ziggy and the Goblin King.

4. Who inspires you and why?

– Pharaoh Hatshepsut, an amazingly strong woman who was also an excellent diplomat. Her reign brought peace, prosperity and stability to Egypt.

– Hildegard von Bingen, for being such a multi-talented author, herbalist, linguist, composer and mystic (among other things). I cannot read about her, or listen to her music, without feeling the urge to get up and go do something meaningful with my life!

– Felines in general, and cats in particular, for their grace, their independence and their ability to combine deep relaxation with constant alertness.

5. What are 3 books that rocked your world?

Only three? Oh that is a tough one for a bookworm like myself!

– Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog) by Jerome K. Jerome
Yes I know, purple prose and all that. Yet I have always found this book hilarious. I first read it in French when I was a little girl and I must have re-read it close to 15 times since!

– Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling
Another book that I first read in French as a child. I remember being mesmerized by the way Kipling played with words and sounds and alliterations and repetitions… my first exposure to a writer who had a very distinct voice and who was not afraid to use it.

– The Search for Omm Sety by Jonathan Cott
A fascinating biography that poses more questions than it answers. Dorothy Eady, aka Omm Sety, bridged the gap between modern and ancient Egypt. She chose to leave everything behind and moved from England to a tiny hamlet in Upper Egypt, in order to spend the rest of her life near her beloved Temple of Abydos. Her story never fails to inspire me as a coach, especially when I work with clients who feel stuck and are doubting their own dreams.

and a bonus Q, just for you:
what advice do you give most often?

Hmm. You know, I try to refrain from giving too much advice. I am more of the “listen deeply and make it easier for people to listen to their own wisdom” school of thought. After all, each one of us is the expert at living his or her own life and I can only speak for myself!

In my coaching, I will often suggest “Sit with this for a while and see what comes up”. Life is not just about constantly doing and/or analyzing stuff. Sometimes it is good to just notice what is going on inside and simply allow it to be there, without rushing to “fix” it.

I will take an insightful question over a piece of advice any day. Much more powerful.

Your turn now! Please leave a comment if you would like me to interview you next.

Emmanuelle

1. Could you tell us about your background, where you have lived before coming to The Netherlands, and what your new life in Amsterdam is like?

I was born and raised in Turkey, and lived there until my mid-20s until I moved to Vancouver for graduate studies. I started working as a full-time faculty member at a psychology department after completing my doctoral degree at UBC. In the past year I have also been working as a professional coach. After maintaining a (very!) long – distance relationship for four years between Vancouver and first Berlin, then Frankfurt, I decided to move to Europe last summer.

I was really excited about moving to Amsterdam – which in my mind was the “perfect introduction to living in Europe” with its diversity, open-minded/tolerant attitude, nice European flair with its cafés, canals and amazing architecture, and of course with the convenience of using English in daily life, as well as in coaching and teaching. And so far, I was not disappointed – except for the two months of rain in summer (maybe to make the transition from Vancouver easier??). My life here is much more active in terms of attending to cultural events – the offer is very broad with museums, galleries, festivals, concerts, and talks.

Amsterdam has also been great for my coaching practice. Based on my background and life experiences, I work a lot with internationals and expatriates. Both its own international/expat community and, its closeness to other similar cities such as The Hague, Brussels, and Frankfurt make Amsterdam a strategic spot for my coaching and training business. I also run a coaching retreat program on sailboats in Turkey in summers, which has become more feasible by living in Europe. What can I say ~ so far so good!

2. What has life abroad taught you? What skills have you found most helpful?

I think the best learning for me was to realize how relative my (or my culture’s) “right way of doing things” was. That realization could bring about confusion, or even shake one’s identity a bit. But if you are open – minded, you will grow tremendously. Now I am much more aware of the cultural lens through which I experience the world, and question my perceptions of people and events more.

One of the skills that I have found to be vital, especially to optimize the benefits of being in a new environment without “losing it”, is to anchor yourself with social support. When I think back, each time I moved to a new city, the shift from anxiety, longing for the familiar, and dissatisfaction to a positive mindset/emotional state happened by meeting one or two people who anchored me with something familiar. In most cases that familiar thing was culture – I ended up meeting like-minded people from Turkey. And that happened even though I did not consciously seek out Turkish people, and never had an exclusively Turkish social network. That familiar element, which I believe restored my sense of security, then served as a springboard for me to start adapting to my new environment and enjoying my life abroad as I formed a broader, more diverse social network. For other people the anchor might be their work, a particular activity, nature, their favorite hobby, or whatever restores that sense of security – but as a social psychologist I suspect social support would be more effective since it does more than just being an anchor.

3. What did you find most challenging?

For me the most challenging part of living abroad is being away from family and close friends. Especially moving frequently means we don’t get to grow roots at any place, which has recently started bothering me. I try to deal with that by visiting my family more often and creating opportunities to do projects in Turkey.

And this time – as an accompanying partner – another challenge is my career. Luckily, I do not have a problem with a work permit, but a full-time teaching position similar to the one I had in Vancouver is very difficult to find in the Netherlands. My solution to that is teaching part-time for now, and focusing more on my coaching practice – which I hope to transform into a portable career that I can take with me no matter where I live!

4. What advice would you give to people who are considering living overseas, or to fellow expats?

My tip number one is manage your expectations! As I have described before, my expectations about living in Amsterdam were quite high, and I hadn’t taken the weather factor into account – my initial experience of my life here was dominated by a negative mood due to the disappointment around “the terrible weather in Amsterdam!” Set realistic expectations about how your new life might look like, but don’t underestimate the power of some optimism! Anything that would increase your intercultural awareness – from books to workshops – would also help to set realistic expectations. Of course number one requirement for this one is to know your priorities really well.

Related to the above, try to be open-minded/ don’t get stuck with the same perspective. After years of teaching psychology, I am still amazed how our mindset and perceptions can shape our experience. After two months of rain, I said to myself, “it is September…now, it is Okay if it rains” and I was not as bothered by the rain anymore…Of course magically, we had a golden autumn to reward my new attitude! Doing that is not always easy especially when you are stuck with a particular perspective – then please seriously consider working with a coach who will not only help you with different perspectives, but will also be tremendous social support. I benefited a lot from working with my coach – with her help I’ve realized how I was letting weather (something completely out of my control) to spoil my experience of this wonderful city!

There are many more, but lastly, make sure to do at least one thing that makes you feel confident about yourself. Next to social support self-esteem is an invaluable resource that helps people bounce back successfully from challenging situations.

And one not-to-do: Do not hang out with people who are consistently negative and who always complain how terrible life is in your host country!

Dr. Aliye Kurt – Suedhoff is a social psychologist and a professional coach. Having lived in Turkey, Vancouver, Berlin, Frankfurt and Amsterdam, she enjoys being part of diverse expatriate/ international communities.

She currently lives in Amsterdam, Netherlands, and works globally through her coaching & training company, Set Sail Coaching.