Archive for January, 2009

The Expat Life: First Impressions and Snow Angels

Posted on 08. Jan, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Musings & Inspiration, Relocation
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Time for the story I promised you in my previous post.

It seemed like a good idea to create a separate entry, because the original post was turning into a novel. Brevity is not my forte, or maybe I just have a lot to say on the subject of expatriation- passion makes me wordy, apparently.

Anyway, this story is getting its very own post, and if the unbearable suspense has led you to expect the most mind-blowing, funniest, most crammed-full of wisdom story in the universe… well, this is not it. What I have here is nothing more than a little anecdote, yet it illustrates quite well the power of early impressions.

A few days ago, I met a young family who had just relocated from Reading in the UK to Vancouver. The conversation immediately turned to the weather and how they were a little worried about the cold and snowy Canadian winters.

Now I have to explain that Vancouver, thanks to its mild climate, does not get much snow at all. This winter is different, though. Since mid-December, we have had a cold snap and three weeks of real snow, snow that stuck and piled high and disrupted traffic. I have not seen anything like it in my eight winters here.

I tried to assure this family that this type of weather was highly unusual and that the city would soon be back to its mild, rainy self. They replied with a smile that they kept hearing that but that this being Canada, they should not expect anything but snow and freezing temperatures in December after all.

In other words, they were fully expecting to be cold and miserable all winter, each and every year. They were seeing winter in Vancouver entirely through the prism of their first December here. How sad. Had their initial experience been different, they might have been able to enjoy the beauty and sheer fun* of snowy weather, safe in the knowledge that it was not going to be like this all the time.

* I hear that at the ripe old age of 33, I am not supposed to get as excited as a 6 year old every time it snows. That may well be so, but making snow angels on the front lawn of my building the other night was way too much fun to miss, even if my building manager now thinks I am slightly deranged.

Moral of this story: Try your best not to let your early impressions distort your perception of your host country. Not easy, I know. But you always have the choice to look for opportunities and possibilities, rather than borrowing trouble from tomorrow.
Oh, and make sure your building manager is not around before you make snow angels.

Emmanuelle

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The Expat Life: Love (Or Hate) At First Sight

Posted on 06. Jan, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Home, Relocation, Reviews, Tools & Resources
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Funny how your perception of a new place can be forever coloured, for better or worse, by your early impressions.

For me, the decisive factor is often the quality of my interactions with local people. After just a few days in Vancouver, I knew that I would be happy living here. Everyone was surprisingly welcoming and helpful, from the immigration officer who greeted me with a big “Welcome to Canada” and sounded like he really meant it, to my next-door neighbours who insisted on having me over for Christmas dinner very shortly after I moved in.

I could hardly believe it, especially considering that I had just moved from Paris where there is quite a bit more, ahem, protocol and reluctance to approach strangers. So on went the rose-tinted glasses and I set out to discover what other pleasant surprises the city held. Call me a Polyanna if you must, but I am sure that it helped me make new friends quickly. After all, a smile is more attractive than a scowl, isn’t it? Naturally, this only led to more “Wow, people are really friendly here!” and “What a nice place to live!”

Unfortunately, self-fulfilling prophecies also work the other way around.
If you spent your first six weeks trying in vain to reach particularly inefficient utility companies, you may be dreading what the next three years are going to be like. If your new home is broken into within days of your moving in, you may start seeing your new country through the prism of fear and distrust, which will compromise your long-term enjoyment of living there.

If this is your case and you wish you were thousands of miles away from your current location, how can you make things better? Here is a suggestion, broken down into four steps:

1. Allow yourself to be upset. Acknowledge the fact that you are furious, shocked, on the verge of tears… whatever emotion is present, allow it to be there. You may have noticed that I am not a fan of “Shoulds”- as in “I should be able to handle this better” or “I should not be this angry”. Please do not beat yourself up for feeling what you are feeling.

2. Dig a little deeper. Are you furious because you fell prey to a scam and now feel that you cannot trust anyone? Are you shocked because you witnessed something incomprehensible or incompatible with your own values? Are you on the verge on tears because you feel completely overwhelmed and do not know who to ask for help? You get the idea. Try and see what lies underneath the main emotion you are experiencing.

3. What would be most helpful right now? This is not about looking for quick fixes. It is about giving your emotions what they need most, so that they can dissipate or at least become more manageable. If you are experiencing distrust, you may need reassurance. If you are struggling to understand something, you need an explanation or some way to make sense of it. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you may need support, clarity and simplification.
What small, practical steps could you take toward helping your emotions dissolve?

4. Keep separate things separate. Hopefully the simple steps above have helped you distance yourself a little from your raw emotions. From this vantage point, try (I am not saying this is easy!) to keep in mind that these emotions are temporary. The negative experiences you had were isolated events. They do not get to have a say in everything you do, nor do they get to define all your interactions with the country.

In other words, if the cable company kept you on hold for two hours before hanging up on you, your anger does not get to seep into the non-cable company-related areas of your life. It does not get to tell you: “Oh, the nerve! What kind of place is this? What are we doing here? I am feeling terribly resentful and I sure hope you do too- so please do NOT enjoy the local food while you are out tonight and do NOT say hello to the neighbours if you run into them, because remember, you are really angry and besides- these cable people, what idiots!!!”

Yes, in my view, anger is a little petulant, not to mention long-winded, but you see what I am getting at: it makes absolutely no sense to miss out on enjoying delicious food or a friendly chat with your new neighbours just because your anger wants to follow you everywhere, like a black cloud over a cartoon character’s head. If at all possible, leave it at home and enjoy yourself instead.

I wanted to add a little anecdote to end on a lighter note, but this is getting quite long already. So I will tell you my story illustrating all of this in the next post. If you do not want to miss it, remember that you can subscribe and receive new content as I post it, either by email or via the RSS feed. (← now was that a smooth transition, or what?)

Emmanuelle

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Expat Skill: Put Those Values To Work!

Posted on 03. Jan, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog, Expat Life, Tools & Resources
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Today we are wrapping up our series about getting reacquainted with your values and your core identity. For the other posts in the series, the starting point is here.

Before we do anything else, why don’t you give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back? First of all, we can all use more pats on the back and they are a great way to start off the year, don’t you think? Second, you have covered a lot of ground over the past two weeks and that deserves an acknowledgment. Just look how much work you have done:

  • Honestly asked yourself how well you knew yourself- check
    Came up with a list of your core values- check
    Reflected on the importance of defining yourself from the inside out- check
    Made sure your values were truly yours- check

    • Not too bad, is it?

    Now, I know that only self-improvement aficionados can go through this much introspection without asking themselves: “What’s in it for me? Practical applications, please?”

    Here are a few:

    - Practical Use #1: Decision making
    Expat life is fraught with important decisions. From accepting an international assignment to begin with, to choosing the right type of school for your children and eventually deciding when and where to repatriate, you will come to many major crossroads.
    When you ponder which path to choose, your values are your compass. They point you toward your true north- what you need to feel truly fulfilled in life.

    Here is an example: Your spouse just accepted an assignment to a country you have always wanted to see. It is a short-term mission of nine months. Should you move temporarily too, or should you stay put?

    What is on your list of values? If you value community, friendships, career and stability, chances are you may be happier if you stayed behind, where you can rely on your established networks and a more predictable environment. On the other hand, if you put a premium on adventure, learning, seizing the day and closeness with your partner, then by all means ask for a leave of absence and pack your bags!

    - Practical use #2: Goal setting
    If your values are your compass, then your goals are your road map. It makes sense to check that they point in the same direction before embarking on your journey.

    If at work you are vying for that high-paying, exotic-sounding assignment in Cairo, but you highly value orderliness and quiet… well, let’s just say that you may be better off seeing the pyramids on a holiday, rather than relocating to a busy, noisy and rather chaotic capital city.

    This does not mean that you have to give up on either a high-paying job or the expat life. Design new goals that will get you there and support your values at the same time. You could seek a promotion in your current office and later, take a sabbatical to see the world. Or you could look for other assignments that would take you to cities better suited to your personality, such as Brussels or Stockholm.

    In the whirlwind of change and activity that comes with international relocation, it is all too easy to let circumstances dictate our goals. Check in with your values on a regular basis and make sure you are not living on autopilot, chasing goals that do not truly serve you.

    - Practical use #3: Time management
    Take a look at your calendar. Does the way you spend your time support your values? If not, what activities could you redesign, delegate or let go of altogether?

    Let’s say that friendship, ease, warmth and informality are some of your core values. Recreating a tight-knit group of friends soon after relocating is a high priority for you. Looking at your calendar, you may find that you have been attending a lot of social functions at various clubs and at the embassy. Yes, you do get to meet fellow expats this way, but is this really the best use of your time?

    Because you value ease, warmth and informality, you may feel like a fish out of water at formal cocktail parties where you have to dress up and “work the room”. You may find that these events run too late at night, leaving you with decreased energy the day after.

    So what about going to fewer formal events, which would free up several evenings a month and leave your energy intact? How can you put this newfound time and energy to good use? You could brainstorm a number of ways to keep making friends:
    - Going for coffee dates
    - Hosting a monthly family-style dinner at home
    - Throwing a neighbourhood potluck party
    The only limit to your imagination is that you want to spend your time with friends in a way that reflect your down-to-earth values.

    If that helps, you may want to block off chunks of time in your calendar to ensure that you get enough of the friendship and the warmth that you value throughout your week. Make time for what really matters to you first, then let the rest fall into place.

    With this post, our series on core values and identity comes to an end. Is there something I left off that you would like to add? Is there a stumbling block to figuring out your values that you would like me to address? Let me know in the comments!

    Emmanuelle

    Related posts: How Well Do You Know Yourself?, Identify Your Values, Define Yourself From The Inside Out and Whose Values Are These Anyway?

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    Happy New Year

    Posted on 01. Jan, 2009 by Emmanuelle Archer in Blog
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    Dear readers, friends and colleagues,

    Warmest wishes for a Happy, Healthy and Successful 2009.

    Thank you for helping my blog, my business and myself grow by leaps and bounds. You are what makes this adventure so fun and rewarding.

    Thank you.

    And that’s all. No goal-setting, no resolution-making. There is the rest of the year (and a million other blogs!) to do that. For now, I just want to revel in gratitude and appreciation.

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