Have you set clear goals for yourself as an expat? Do you know what you want to have accomplished by the end of your stay overseas?

Developing a vision for your expat life is particularly important when relocating entails a major lifestyle change. A typical example is that of accompanying partners who cannot find employment in their new country of residence. The transition from successful professional to stay-at-home mom or dad can be quite challenging.

When key elements of your identity, such as your professional status, undergo a radical change, you may find that your life suddenly lacks direction. Having a personal project to focus on makes it much easier to retain a sense of purpose and get out of bed in the morning.

I speak from personal experience. Shortly after moving to Canada, I lost my focus.
What happened? Well, I spent all of my energy on my short-term goal: to make it through the first 6 months and to find a job- any job- so that I could support myself in Vancouver.
There was nothing wrong with this goal per se, of course. The problem was that I neglected to set longer-term objectives as well. As a result, I stayed stuck in dead-end jobs for far too long. On a personal level, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by kind, supportive, wonderful people but I did not focus on growing my networks beyond my circle of friends and acquaintances. In other words, I was in a rut.
I did eventually get back on track, but what a waste of time and opportunities…

I wish I’d had a coach or a mentor back then, someone who would have inspired me to get my act together and be more ambitious!
In fact, one of the reasons why I became an expatriation coach is because I do not want to see other expats repeat the same mistakes I made.

I urge you to take the time to come up with an exciting vision for your future.
Get crystal-clear on your goals and how you plan to achieve them.

Expatriation is a wonderful opportunity to learn, grow and reinvent yourself; so go for it with gusto!

Emmanuelle

This morning, a friend asked me how I usually react when things get a little out of control in my life. We both are the punctual type, so we took running late for an important meeting as an example. Turns out that my by-default reaction is guilt; hers is panic.

Being aware of my tendency to feel guilty is important, because it allows me to recognise the guilt trip as soon as it starts and nip it in the bud. This is where the distinction between reacting and responding comes into play.

Reactions are instinctive. I may never be able to get completely rid of my automatic feeling of guilt when things do not go as planned- and that is fine by me.
What is more important in my eyes is the ability to detach myself from my reaction and observe it more objectively. Is it warranted? Is it helpful at all? What purpose does it serve? [99% of the time, the answers are: “No”; “Are you kidding?” and “Can’t think of any…”]
So instead of a knee-jerk reaction, I can consciously choose a more appropriate response and act accordingly.
You may already do this in your everyday life: Have you ever chosen not to reply immediately to an email that made you angry? Then you consciously decided not to go with your first reaction- anger- and gave yourself time to come up with a response better suited to the situation.

What is the emotion you experience most frequently when reacting to events? Fear, anger, guilt, sadness and embarrassment are common reactions.
Do these emotions serve you, or do they prevent you from responding effectively to the situation at hand?
For instance, if you cannot make yourself understood in a shop because of the language barrier, what is your immediate reaction? You may feel discouraged or aggravated. Yet you are aware that bursting into tears or yelling at the salesperson is unlikely yo make things better, so instead you point at what you want- a much more efficient response!

Next time you feel a strong reaction coming on, pause for a few moments and make a conscious decision to respond rather than react. It may feel like hard work at first, but if you keep at it, it will soon become second nature!

Emmanuelle

“Where are you from?”
The question sounds simple enough. Most people will reply that they are from the place where they grew up or currently live in. Some may tell you that they “are originally from Chicago, but have been living in Seattle for 20 years.”

For expats however, things are rarely this straightforward. Much more than basic geographic information, what is essentially being asked is “What place and culture do you identify with?” For TCK (third-culture kids) and some highly mobile adults, answering this question in a few words is nearly impossible.

I recently noticed a shift in my way of explaining where I am from. I used to say that I was from France and that I had been in Vancouver since 2001. My primary identity was still French, even though I had been a Canadian citizen for years.
These days though, I define myself as a Vancouverite, with the additional detail that I was born in France.
What prompted this shift? I think that my more active contribution to Canadian society has been the main factor. Last month, I voted in a federal election for the first time and I am getting ready to vote in the municipal mayoral election. I started my own business. I feel like I have a voice and a direct impact on what happens in this country. This new level of involvement has heightened my sense of belonging in Canada.

Where are you from? How do you introduce yourself when you meet someone new, or arrive in a new location?
What is the place with which you identify? How does it impact the person you are today? What identity do you choose for yourself?

Emmanuelle